S-T-A-R-C-H

Absolon attempting to glean a confession from the torture-traumatized Herloff's Marthe, accused of sorcery.

    

    

 There is nothing quite like the backdrop of 18th century German witch trials to put me in the mood for love.  This is certainly the case with Day of Wrath, a Criterion Collection gem that I recently rented from the town's brand new video library.  The sterile and tense feel of this fascinating film is amplified by it's black and white images, of which the costuming takes full advantage.  The characters are clothed in restrictive and unblemished period clothing, with ridiculous collars and long, concealing robes.  The film's director, Carl Theodor Dreyer, is on of Germany's cinema masters, and one would recognize the leading and mysterious character of Ann as Lisbeth Movin, from Babette's Feast, another classic.  This riveting movie discloses the insane torture and forced confession techniques implemented in the time in order to theoretically deduce who was and was not a witch, and by the end of the film, the notion of who is truly evil is blown wide open.

Most every shot of the film is a stunning image, taking full advantage of value and tone, surprisingly vibrant for being in black and white.

Herloff's Marthe being raised to her execution by fire

Disney uses witches to make a profit, sources say

Today's fight:

Mary Poppins V. Bedknobs and Broomsticks

{ding ding}

Both Disney films were released in the early 70's.  Both contain musical numbers, gravity-defying magic, live action and animation interaction, David Tomlinson, and childcare.
This is a toughy.
Angela Lansbury or Julie Andrews?  Ladies, ladies, calm down.  I simply cannot choose, therefore, the fight will be based on the other factors of the film.
What is most curious is that the same company would release two highly similar films within only a year or two, with the same animation style and  dealing with such similar subjects.  However hunky-dory they both appear to be, one is definitely more dramatic than its fluffy counterpart.

A prominent issue to address with both films is the inclusion of animation.  Both are executed in the same style and really only include one continuous scene of animation apiece.  In mary Poppins, it is a dandy day trip to a farm, a bistro, and then to the racetrack.  But in Bedknobs, it is undersea and then up to the Isle of Naboomboo, where they duel the animal king in soccer in order to win for a trophy the Star of Asteroth, a critical artifact in the successful execution of powerful spells.

Here we see the children taking a fieldtrip to Portobello Road, where they see a proletariat market with dancing and a magic show.

Here Jane and Michael Banks receive tutelage in birdsong about how to straighten one's toys.  All previous attempts at order had failed until they employed magic and Julie Andrews.  I have no sympathy for these protagonists.

Both pictures contain elaborately choreographed dance numbers, often even involving animated characters.  The numbers often involve large groups of real-live humans dancing, as well and both are renowned for their music.
Mary Poppins was famous for the at-the-time preposterous and quirky song "Supercalafragelisticespialidocious," (sp?) but ol' Bedknobs used existing "big words" to describe magic, with "Substitutiary Locomotion."  What the former possessed in bedazzles gypsy ensembles the latter made up for with fine beat and elaborate puppetry.  Dancing nightgowns and armor, for God's sake.

There is then also the matter of the enchanted props which are employed to travel to worlds away, the cases with these films being a bed and a parrot umbrella.  Not that I have anything against parrot umbrellas, but if we are to suspend our disbelief so much as to allow for magical transportation at all, a bed would be a far better instrument.  It holds more people, and is much more comfortable.

My main thinking here is that, while in Mary Poppins, Jane and Michael struggle with the lack of parental attention, they are not impoverished orphans, and they take walks in the park as opposed to fighting Nazis.  It is really the Nazi occupation that sets these two apart the most, and you just can't compete with that for sympathy.  While the rich kids have to have a whole musical number devoted to them ceasing to be pussies and drink their tonic already, the siblings in Bedknobs are waging actual warfare. Substitutary locomotion comes to their aid in the form of reanimated suits of armor, bewitched to march eerily towards the enemy.

And the winner is:

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

For being accessible at every turn, humbly fantastic, and brimming with beautiful beatz.

It's grand to practice the black arts!  You will not be ostracized from your community!

Trailer Trash

Here's how I know I am a midwesterner, my love of ketchup and U-Haul at.  When your out on the road and suddenly you see a cresting sailfish,  it is a tiny escape from an otherwise boring activity.  Whether or not the people who decided to put art on the sides of U-Haul vans and trailers meant for this to be the outcome, I'll never know. 

In any case, Uhaul products as a rule bear some sort of elaborately painted image, along with descriptive text.  The highly realistic depictions of United States, unsolved marvels, and endangered species pepper the otherwise lifeless lonely highways. 

here the picture is less about the trailer, and more about its surroundings. 

Flicka and Kicking

The appeal is pretty obvious, in fact, it is right there in the name: Warrior Princess.  What better particular juxtaposition is available?  A shicksa in scant clothing with the sexy confidence that comes from being in total control.  Bare soft skin to offset some massive bleeding battle axe.  A woman in both a roll both feminizing and totally masculine.  It just doesn't get much better than that, and it is possibly the one pop-culture phenomenon we at BCHF simply could not do without.

Let me go ahead and get one of the most important heroines crossed off the list.  It would be highly unsavory not to discuss the archetype of the female warrior without paying homage to its undisputed modern incarnation, a name which scarcely needs be spoken completely.  Buffy.  Ancient warrior and high school student, Buffy Summers could not be a better female character if she was written by one.  Joss Whedon was able to fully illustrate the - albeit  fantasized - life of a young woman discovering herself without sounding misogynistic or like a Lifetime movie.  The Buffyverse is seared into my memory and as a woman I will always look to Willow, Cordelia, Tara, Anya and Buffy for positive affirmation.

If the cavalry comes, I hope to see some T and A. 

San of Princess Mononoke might just be my favorite bodacious battle babe.  My love for Miyazaki started young and is still going strong, but my favorite of his films remains Mononoke Hime, the first one I ever saw.  Keep it up, girl, red is a good color on you.

Weena was the first graphic novel I ever became seduced by.  A classic tale of birthright, dark fantasy, and creepy arranged marriage is plenty enough to satisfy my twelve year old mind.

Probably the most famous warrior princess of all time is Princess Leia.  You know I like things that make nerdy boys hot and bothered, and this damsel without distress is no exception.  There are two reasons that Return of the Jedi is my favorite film of the series, the first is that it was not directed by George Lucas, and the second is Carrie Fisher in slave gear.  Tragically, this whole Slave Leia things purportedly destroyed Carrie Fisher's self-worth by being made to portray the character as a blatant sex symbol, leading possibly to a number or bad habits.  I love Fisher, and have always been totally turned on by the Slave Leia scene, so it disappoints me tremendously to know how sick it made her to become that icon.

Here is a relatively creepy interpretation of Leia in the second - sorry - fifth Star Wars film.  This doesn't really illustrate a warrior princess, a pony princess, or even a warrior pony, just a flesh-toned strange thing.

One of the many marvelous things about the warrior princess genre is that it crosses space and time, and can be earthly or otherworldly, prim and poised or rough and ravaged.  Innocent, or ruthless.  Ancient, futuristic, with Western and non-Western influences, or from absolutely nowhere.

A pointer about armor:  In the field of lady warrior, it seems important to protect only the very softest areas and leave the internal organs exposed to the elements. If you must cover your breasts and thighs, make sure it is with a tight-fitting material.

A fighter babe of the 2-dimensional world is Sailor Moon.  Granted, her battle techniques are a little "deus ex machina" and frilly to the max, the vibe is going strong.  Glorified schoolgirl and ancient princess with a sex-drenched galactic posse and a kickin' toolkit.  Thanks again, Naoko Takeuchi. 

 

Okay, so Antoine Figua's 2004 interpretation of Kind Arthur wasn't all that awesome.  I am a descendent of Sir Thomas Mallory, so I am pretty hard to please when it comes to re-hashed Arthurian Legends.  That being said, the best part of it was the quasi Maori "Gaelic" native interpretation of Guinevere played by Kiera Knightly.

Dita Von Teese here illustrates a large porion of the appeal of the whole "Warrior Princess" thing, and that is babes with weapons.

 

Indeed, bitches can fuck you up with more than just their viscous words.  They are far more likely to go ape shit at the drop of a hat and are less predictable perhaps than a seasoned Samurai warrior.